Bookmark UsQ: Every time my child sees a toddler at the park or home he starts pinching or hitting. I say ‘no’ but should I be giving a time out and if so it means I would have to carry him to the side and probably hold him for about 30 seconds? I am not sure if this is going too far? How do I stop his anger?
A: First and foremost analyze why he is hitting others? Is it jealousy; the other toddler has something that he wants; he wants to get into that space or the other child is in his space?Look at the environment and bigger picture so this situation can be dealt with in the future. Is it a language frustration for him to hit? If so, encourage him to speak with the other children. Model how he should be treating them and play gently with the other children.If your toddler hits or bites in park, tell him to stop and that he needs to be gentle. Tell him it hurts other children and that it is not what we do. Then move him away to another section of the park. It is not necessarily to have time out but to simply avoid the circumstances to happen. It can be difficult to discipline in public but if he gets the message of what he is meant NOT to be doing he will hopefully be able to learn to positively socialize with others. The consequence for him hitting is that he is not able to immediately do what he wants to. If after a few minutes he does go back to that same activity with the other toddler, let him but remove him (model to remove him gently, not roughly as that is the behavior you do not wish to see) as soon as he goes back to the old behavior.
6 responses so far ↓
1 Kader // Oct 20, 2009 at 12:14 pm
Hey, a nice question and usefull suggestions. thanks for that. But i wanna reverse the question and ask what to do when a child hit my baby (14months now)? Because i dont want to interrupt her play too much with other kids in terms of she should experience it herself. But then I am affraid that my baby will be bullied lateron her life without learning how to defence herself!!
Do you have any suggestions how to act in such situation?/ especially if there is no parents around to correct that kid, what to do? what should I say to my kid about how to defend herself or should I say anything?
Your answer will be much appreciated as I am little bit concerned about most of the kids behaviour at the playgrounds etc.
Thanks.
2 DM MODERATOR // Nov 20, 2009 at 7:55 pm
Hi!
Unfortunately hitting in playgrounds may happen and we will not always be there to prevent it or correct it. Well, it is also good for you to empower your child or learn to defend herself with socially acceptable means- which is not hitting back which may happen- but using other ways of communication such as teaching them to say “stop” to the other child or just make a gesture meaning “stop” or teaching them to simply move away from the child who hit. It will take a lot of practice and patience from you to teach this to your child but eventually it will progress to them talking to the other child if there are any differences encountered.
I hope this helps.
Regards,
Daily Montessori
3 Pauline // Feb 21, 2010 at 12:32 pm
My son was in a situation at school recently where he was firstly pushed which resulted to swelling above his nose, then a few days later scratched under the eye which also lead to swelling and bruising. I have tried my very best to try and not take his anger or fustration out on anyone but to notify the teacher straight away
4 Elizabeth // Dec 10, 2010 at 12:47 pm
my son Connor is 3 1/2 and he hits all the time! I just don’t know what to do. if a child has a toy he wants he hits,if a child is on the swing and he wants it he will cry,even if a child sits next to him he does not want anyone near him he will hit. I put him in timeout when he hits but this just does not seem to be working…today he got sent home early from pre school because he just could not keep his hands to himself. he just seems so angry all the time…he can be so sweet and laughing and playing with his 10 mo old sister and the next second he is hitting her or throwing something…when buidlding blocks and they fall overhe gets so angry just throws them all. how do I teach him to controll his temper?
5 Rachel // Jan 22, 2011 at 1:01 pm
If you notice that your child is hitting somebody else, don’t let him/her get away with it. Tell your child firm, but gentle, that hitting is wrong.
6 Jenny // Nov 25, 2011 at 8:00 pm
My Grandaughter is 6 and a very loved child. At school she is frequently spotted smacking other children and 1 or 2 of the mothers, quite naturally, have complained. My Daughter has been told by the teachers and believe me we have tried every punishment we can, other than smacking. She has had favourite things removed, sent to her room, no treats, and a good talking to but it still keeps happening. At other times she is a talented lovely little girl who loves us all and is upset if we cut our finger or bang our arm so is sensitive too. She has a little brother who is 20 months younger and he is just the opposite, we try to treat them both exactly the same and do not show favouritism at any time but she is so jealous of anything that he has but she also has lovely things. We love her so and do not want her to become a child that noone wants to play with. What do we do???
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