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Toilet learning differs from Toilet training. Child toilet training is something that is adult directed; toilet learning is when the child is involved in their own learning. Toilet training may involve a time pressure on your child which seems to be a quick fix but may have consequences. Toilet training involves an attitude of having to do it now because the adult chooses so. The difference between toilet learning and toilet training is the adult’s attitude which can make a big difference for the child.
Toilet learning starts with readiness signs, and is not learned through a reward system. Toileting is a skill that needs to be learnt. It cannot be taught over night. The key to toilet learning is teaching not training the child. Learning on their own is reward enough for them to be able to independently help themselves in remaining clean or not soiling themselves. Allow the child to learn on their own with a bit of support and help from the adult with the use of toilet training pants and clothes they can independently put on themselves. Toilet learning is linked to the child’s self esteem, so genuine verbal praise is important. There are no ‘accidents’ during toilet learning, only lessons. Language also plays a big part in keeping a positive attitude with toilet learning.
Adult Attitude and Points to Consider in Toilet Learning
It is important to decide if you are ready to commit to the process and all it entails, this could include loads of washing, wet or soiled carpets and what people may think if you child is not toilet ready by a certain age. More often than not it requires months of learning for the child and it is important to have and maintain a positive attitude and avoid putting a time period or the age you wish your child to be toilet trained. It is possible that children will develop manipulative actions regarding toileting (e.g. wetting self on purpose) if they believe it will affect your behavior. Every child is different and toilet ready at a different age, these are some tips to help the process and explain the rational behind the method. However, it is up to you which toilet learning or toilet training approach you think suits you, your child and your lifestyle.
The Montessori Toilet Learning
The Montessori approach to toilet learning is to begin at birth and by using cloth nappies. Once the child is walking they transition into cloth underpants, wearing underpants at this stage in the child’s development also aids movement as nappies can be restrictive. The child will sit on the pot or small toilet when they wake in the morning, awake from naps, before and after all meals, before and after excursions and before bed. It is central to the approach that babies are kept in natural cotton or soft wool diapers or underpants. Disposable diapers/ nappies draw moisture away from the skin rapidly, where as underpants allow the child to feel the moisture and learn to recognize the result of urinating (the wet sensation). The children then learn to associate this sensation to the result of being wet instead of conflicting results as experienced in disposable diapers/nappies.
When your child is a still young make it a habit to change their nappy when they have been soiled so he/she does not get used to the feeling of being soiled but being always clean. Soon they will be used to the clean feeling that if they are soiled they will let you know in some way.
All children are put on the potty after each nappy change. Often they feel the sensation of urinating or passing a bowel motion but don’t feel the end product because of super absorbent disposable nappies. A child is physiologically ready to use the toilet at 12 months but with the use of disposable nappies a child usually starts at two to two and a half years old. Introducing a potty as young as 12 months to just to get the child used to it as a part of toileting routine, before the power struggle starts or as we say in the under threes movement- the crisis of self affirmation (tantrums). It doesn’t take long to associate the potty with regularly urinating once they feel the potty under their body. They are not yet toilet trained but they’re definitely going through the process of learning.
The regular use of the potty allows the children to become familiar and comfortable with both the toilet and potty. It is a positive experience and the children enjoy exploring the environment. This allows the children the freedom of movement so that they can teach themselves to move on and off the potty/toilet at their own learning pace, additionally this allows the child to be more independent.
Clothing for Toilet Learning
We recommend that all clothing be two piece set during this learning process. The bottoms should be elastic waist allowing the child to independently pull up their own trousers/skirt. Also this allows the child to pull down cloths quickly if they need to use the toilet urgently. There are toilet training pants that can be bought that are made of thick fabrics, terry toweling so the moisture is absorbed but still lets the child feel the wetness. Underwear needs to be cotton and elastic should not cut off any circulation, be sure to buy appropriate sized underwear to allow for ease of dressing the self. Plastics are plastic covers placed over underpants and are used for outdoor play they will sometimes protect clothing form getting wet but still allow the child to feel the sensation.
Toilet Learning and Language
It is important that children understand the language you use during toilet learning. Quite often there is some embarrassment in using certain words, remember to consider you attitude when interacting with children, if you are embarrassed talking about certain body part or bodily functions your child could also learn this attitude. Using the toilet is an everyday event and being comfortable explaining the process and body parts to children is important as it is a natural part of our lives. It is important to feel comfortable using adult words around children like to describe body parts and functions. This ensure that your child will not have to use ‘baby words’ (e.g. wee and poo) and demonstrates that you see your child as a capable toilet learner.
We recommend considering your language when inviting children to use the toilet always keep it clear, direct and positive, for example “You may go and sit on the toilet/ potty” if the child refuses maintain positive language “you need to sit on the toilet so that you can urinate”. Never force a child on the potty or toilet against their will or use language in a negative way saying they “must sit on the toilet”. When a child urinates on them selves try not to refer to this as an ‘accident’ tell them “you have urinated we need to sit on the potty when we urinate” making sure to sit the child on the potty after the event and change wet underpants. Always remain clam and in control of emotions model this behavior for the child.
Signs of Readiness Checklist
Physical Readiness
- Child can stay dry for longer periods of time, or overnight
- Child knows the feelings that signal he/she needs to use the bathroom
- Child can pull down own pants, and pull them up
- Child can get him or herself to the toilet
Mental and Language Readiness
- Child can follow simple directions
- Child can point to wet or soiled clothes and ask to be changed
- Child pays attention to the physical signals even when she is doing something else (a challenge for many children, which is why accidents are so common)
- Child knows the words for using the toilet, and can tell an adult when he/she needs to go
- Child has asked to wear grown-up underwear
Emotional Readiness
- Child seeks privacy when going in diaper
- Child shows interest in using the toilet-may want to put paper in and flush it
- Child shows curiosity at other people’s toilet habits
- Child has decided he/she wants to use the toilet
- Child is not afraid of the toilet
Bowel Movement Control
In toilet learning urination is often the focus; this is usually because it is a much harder skill to control liquids rather that mass. However, in many children bowel movement control occurs much later. There are many individual factors that can contribute to this including physical, emotional and mental readiness.
Bowel movement control often happens before urinary control. If they are regularly going to the toilet to urinate, chances are they may have a bowel movement while urinating.
It is for this reason that boys should preferably sit instead of stand during the first stages of toilet learning until they have mastered bowel movements. Every child is different in learning this skill; many children are aware of when they are having a BM but will often be shy in telling an adult or not know what to do. It is important to build up trust and reassure the child that every thing is ok. Many children who are showing signs of readiness will want to ask questions and look at what is happening while you are changing their BM. It may be helpful to talk the child through what is happening in their bodies and include them in the process as much as possible. Many children have Bowel Movements at the same time each day; this predictability can be used as a tool in helping the child succeed in BM control. Writing a chart of times the child is likely to have a BM and looking for other signs (body posture and facial expression) can help signal that the child should sit on a potty or toilet. It also helps chart the frequency of the child’s BMs, on occasion if the child is feeling anxious about passing BMs they may hold them and become constipated.
Summary
There should be no pressure put on children to be toilet trained. Toilet learning is a natural process and should be done at a pace the child is comfortable with. Allowing children to become aware of their bodily functions from the sensitive period of development allows for less distress when the child is older and more physically able to control their toileting abilities. Please remember although the child is urinating in their underpants they are not ‘failing’ at toileting rather learning the sensation to need to go and the discomfort of having wet underpants. This is part of the learning process that is Toilet Learning.
Toileting Routine
Wake time the child is allowed to sit on the potty after the diaper/nappy is removed from the night. He/she is then put in training pants/ underpants. When the child is going outdoors, or going to the shops/mall you then might want to put on nappies/diapers for convenience. When the child gets older then maybe even for going out plastic coverings over underpants may be used. Constantly ask the child to go the toilet if they need to. Sit them on the potty when they wake in the morning, before going anywhere outside of the home, before and after sleep time and after meals. Ask them nicely, if they refuse say “You need to go to the potty”. If they are comfortable with the potty, they may refuse less often. Remember if they wet themselves, it is okay. Just reinforce to them verbally that they need to urinate on the potty or toilet. If your child is dryer for long periods of time and going to the potty on a frequent basis this can be time for you to move on the toilet learning process and fully get rid of the nappy/diaper.
By Lily G., April 2007
27 responses so far ↓
1 Gemma // Apr 22, 2008 at 3:59 pm
Hi,
I have a 2 year old girl that was really good at toilet trainning from a very ealy stage. Now that she has reached 2 she refuses to go sometimes, even when she knows she needs to go. I keep on taking her to the toilet even when I know she is wet already but I am not sure what to do. Specially now that winter is comming and having her around the house with light clothing for the underpants is not an option.
Gemma
2 Emma - DM MODERATOR // Apr 24, 2008 at 6:53 pm
One solution to this is using the plastic training underpants that can be found in stores. These are shaped like training pants only bigger and are designed to go over training pants. This allows you to leave her in underpants and have clothing over it without her urinating on her clothes.
Your daughter’s refusal to go to the toilet can just be a phase. She is a toddler and will push on her limits to get attention. This is normal and will pass. Still try to keep the toilet training positive.
You can also buy ‘big girl’ underpants for her that are simply ‘too pretty’ to wet and so she needs to go to the toilet.
Hope some of these strategies will work for you and your daughter. Good Luck!
3 Jeanne taylor // Apr 25, 2008 at 11:18 am
My grandson is 5, he is late to start training due to a serious illness he has since recovered from. The problem is he does not like to sit or even go to toilet, it’s a forced issue now as he will be in school soon. Any ideas to encourage him to sit and cooperate with toilet learning. He does not want anything to do with it?
Thanks for any advice.
4 Emma - DM MODERATOR // Apr 27, 2008 at 1:11 pm
One can be vigilant with his toileting and make sure he gets used to the sensation of being clean. Like everytime he may wet himself, deal with it immediately. Soon he will get used to this and everytime he feels dirty he will let you know and dislike it. Another option is to put an attractive potty seat on - maybe with characters to coax him to sit on the toilet. He is old enough to understand the need for toileting so explain this to him, get him involved. Buy storybooks about toileting to help him understand it more.
It will definitely involve a lot of patience on the adults part and keeping it positive will make it hard. Remeber this will benefit all of you in the long run. Do not allow him to use toileting as a way for him to get attention, give him more positive attention with things that he does correctly.
Let us know about your progress and what strategies worked.
I am also adding your question to our PARENTING FORUM for other parents to respond.
5 Belinda // Jun 29, 2008 at 7:06 pm
My daughter is 4 and a half and has control of her bowel but still frequently wets her pants. On some occassions she doesn’t tell anyone until you notice her wet pants or smell the urine. She has never gone for more than 4 days without wetting herself. I am concerned about her starting school next year because of this even though socially and academically she is fine. Should I keep her back another year?
6 Emma - DM MODERATOR // Jul 3, 2008 at 1:27 pm
Belinda,
Hi! I would say no, do not hold her back a year due to her toileting habits. As you said she is starting next year and from now until then so many changes can happen. It is good that she has some control when she urinates.
The times that she may not have told you may be times that she was preoccupied with other things. I do not believe in holding her back academically for this issue.
From now until next year you can constantly invite her to go to the toilet even if she did not say so, I would say every two hours would be sufficient. Watch her carefully for any signs of discomfort indicating she needs to go and invite her to before she wets herself.
Making it a habit is all that needs to be implemented as she is already aware and capable of going to the toilet herself.
I hope this helps you even a little bit. And please do keep us updated with your progress.
Kind Regards,
Emma
7 Renee // Jul 6, 2008 at 3:20 pm
Hi there, at 18 months my son showed signs of being ready. He is now almost 22 months and the 3 times he has been successful, he cried. I am not putting pressure, I am singing to him, reading to him and being positive but if I ask him if he is having a BM, he looks away. It seems embarrassing for him. Should I lose the disposable diapers? Any tips for me?
Renee
8 Renee // Jul 7, 2008 at 3:57 pm
Thought I would add more details: At 18 months, he was showing all readiness signs. So we bought a potty and started a no pressure initiation. Let him play with it, sit him on it while clothed, then without diaper, sing song about where we were going, read book while we were there. Finally, success. 3 times he pees in the potty (by accident, I don’t think he really gets it) and all 3 times he cried. Now he doesn’t want to go on it at all anymore.
Also, he seems embarrassed when he is having a BM and when I ask him if he is having one, he looks away or hides. I don’t think I’ve given him the message that it is wrong so I don’t get it.
My sister said she put her son on the toilet facing the tank and her son got it right away. Logan struggled and started crying when I tried this.
Not sure what to do; not sure he really gets it. Yet, he likes to flush, he has seen us flush the contents of his diaper when it is soiled, seen us model for him, etc.
I’ve tried putting him in training pants, I tried coton underwear, but in both situations he doesn’t seem bothered by being wet.
Not sure about going naked since we have hardwood floor and carpet. Any suggestions? Also, how long after a drink do they have to go? I found an hour later was too late, yet 30 minutes and 40 minutes was too soon.
Thanks!
9 Emma - DM MODERATOR // Jul 7, 2008 at 11:22 pm
Renee,
When your son did a BM did he look distressed like he was in pain? That may be a reason he cried the few times when he has done a BM. Give him lots of water to help this if so.
With regards to the embarrassment of doing BM’s, review your attitude regarding BM’s. Keeping it positive is not only with making the experience wonderful. Do you unconsciously crinkle your nose or the like when you suspect a BM. This may have given him the impression that BM’s are not really likeable. If you suspect him having a BM just invite him to the toilet just in case.
10 Renee // Jul 8, 2008 at 10:22 am
Hi Emma, yeah, I do say it is stinky and such. I didn’t think he would respond as such. And no, he doesn’t seem to act like it is painful, but I’ll watch for that next time. Since he doesn’t seem bothered by being wet (disposable diaper), should I put him in cotton underwear? I did it once but he still didn’t seem to mind being wet.
Thanks,
Renee
11 Emma - DM MODERATOR // Jul 8, 2008 at 9:42 pm
Renee,
Each child is unique and it may take him a longer time to take to the concept of toileting. It would be good to put him in cotton underwear though he may not react to wearing it or the discomfort of being wet immediately. He may be busy when it happens and with being used to a disposable diaper he just ignores the sensation. It may take him some time to associate to the sensation of urinating and the feeling wet in underpants which was denied when he was in diapers. Do not expect it to happen quickly, there will be a lot of wet underpants and cleaning up to do. If you also get him used to the feeling of being clean, (not leaving the nappy wet on for too long) then he will soon be uncomfortable when he gets wet.
Also establish a routine of when to go to the toilet. First thing in the morning, after meals, before and after naps, before and after a bath, and before night time sleep are good times to invite him to the toilet. If you are quick enough in the morning to bring him to the toilet, he will urinate and if it happens often he may eventually get the concept of what the toilet is for.
Try these things and see what happens. It will take a lot of patience on your part.
12 Renee // Jul 9, 2008 at 2:44 am
Thank you, that is excellent advice. I will give those tips a try!
Oh, two last quick questions — how long after a big drink will he have to go? I’m always off it seems, I have tried many intervals within the hour.
And how long should he sit ON the potty? We’ve been sitting 30min but I find we are both sick of it after that 30. Thanks again.
13 Emma - DM MODERATOR // Jul 13, 2008 at 8:27 pm
Renee,
Toilet learning ( training ) is not an exact science… so really there is no right amount of time to sit your son on the toilet. Try to sit him on the toilet right after the meal and half an hour later again or when you see him uncomfortable.
I do not blame both of you for being sick of it after 30 minutes in the bathroom. Why not try 5-10 minutes? That would be enough if he needs to go. If he wets himself in between the times that he is on the toilet, just simply let him sit on the toilet after you change him again. Talk to him about what happened.
Cheers,
Emma
14 jacinta // Oct 22, 2008 at 6:02 pm
Hi, I have a 5 year old who wets her pants frequently throughout the day…she doesn’t seem to care where she does it either…almost like she is so preoccupied it’s no worry to her..I have had her to a toileting specialist and she became a bit better but, never went a whole week without wet undies. I have tried charts, regular times throughout the day on the toilet, rewards, getting her to change the bed and /or clothing herself, you name it we seem to have tried it…My next option is a GP…
Funnily enough she was toilet trained fully at 18 mths but, turned 3 and started daily wetting but not always nights…any help would be appreciated…thx
15 Sheralyn // Dec 9, 2008 at 12:33 am
Hi. I have a 3 yr old son who, if reminded will go to the toilet without question, but if I forget as I sometimes do he will wet himself. (He does wear underware to help him feel the wetness) Are my expectations too high???? When he does wet himself he will tell me right away, but it’s almost as if he can’t feel the sensation until he has already wet himself. When he is on the toilet again he can tell me “Mommy I hear the pee” not I feel the pee. Should I be concerned and go to our GP or is this a part of the process??? Please help. Thank you
16 Emma - DM MODERATOR // Dec 10, 2008 at 6:32 pm
Hi Sheralyn,
I do think it would just take a little bit more vigilance on your part to remind your son to go to the toilet. Try to make it a routine for it to turn into a habit so that you need not remind him later on or you need not think about it too much. Try to make it easier for both of you. You can habitually do it before and after meals/snacks, before leaving the house, any transition time in the daily activities. Hopefully he gets into the routine and it becomes a habit. He may also just be wetting himself as he is involved in playing or other things that he may just ignore the sensation.
He is aware and knows what to do but at times you reminding him may be just way for him to reassure him for your attention. It can just take bit more time for him to learn to make a run for it when he feels it coming.
When he says “Mommy I hear the pee” not I feel the pee, that maybe more of an expressive language incident than a toilet training problem. Just repeat the correct sentence to him for him to learn the difference.
I hope this helps.
Emma
17 Annette // Dec 22, 2008 at 7:39 am
My 7 year son has started pooing himself it has been going on now 6/7 months I took him to the doctors they said he was bunged up and just give me some powders and said to come back in three months. my son said he dosent know when he is doing it which I do believe. Im just getting very worried because someone said that he may have to get a operation is this true? I would be very grateful for any advice.
18 Sumedha // Mar 11, 2009 at 3:15 am
Hi
I have a 2.5 year old daughter. She has been in cotton nappies from birth except when we go out ( she is in disposable diapers then). I started her toilet training a month ago and I find that she is fully aware of when she is about to urinate but she refuses to sit in her potty seat to do the job. She will stand and create a pool of urine on the floor but much as I explain to her she just does not seem to want to cooperate. She is otherwise mentally very advanced ( can count through 20, has an excellent vocabulary, can recognize all colours & shades, is even starting to recognize sounds and alphabets and attempting to write!) Any advise will be most useful. Thanks.
19 Emma - DM MODERATOR // Mar 12, 2009 at 4:14 pm
Hi! Toilet learning is a bit tricky and involves a lot of patience and cunning on the adults part. She obviously understands what is going on but it is her behaviour towards it that is mostly involved. Have you only started lately to sit her on the potty? If so give her time to get used to the idea of sitting on something with a gaping hole in the middle! It can be a bit daunting that is why it is recommended that toilet learning be started earlier. Always just invite her at certain times of the day ( develop a toileting routine) and even maybe emphasise that mommy also has to do the same. Sometimes examples can be helpful. It may be hard but always keep your attitude positive and if she urinates on the floor try to rush her to the toilet or the toilet area at the very least. Even ask her to help you clean up her pool of urine to increase her understanding of why, though she is not yet comfortable, we sit on the toilet for hygiene reasons.
I hope this helps if not give us more information of how she reacts to these situations.
20 Sumedha // Mar 12, 2009 at 8:28 pm
Thanks so much Emma for your response. I’d like to share a little more information with you on this :
a. She seems comfortable with her little potty chair- it has been around for over six months and she likes to sit on it. I started ‘formal toilet training’ only a month ago- i.e. making her sit on her chair at regular intervals and trying to make her go. She did that a few times in the beginning and she seemed to understand what it was meant for. But now she simply refuses to use it as a toilet seat. We’ve even tried rewards but that does not seem to appeal to her much. ( I give her plenty of positive encouragement when on the rare occasion she manages to do it in her chair)
b. I can sit her there for hours reading books, colouring with crayons, doing her puzzles etc. She will sit happily but she will just not release. There have been instances where she has held on her urine for 6 hours during the day and finally when I give up asking her to sit on the chair she’ll stand somewhere and make a nice pool! (I give her plenty of water and juices and the doctor says there is no infection or any other problem.)
c. I take her with me to the toilet so she can see how we do it and always make her help clean up. She seems to have some understanding of hygiene –e.g likes to wash her hands, brush her teeth etc. Knows difference between dirty & clean, wet and dry. But somehow it has not extended to something as basic as this!
d. I have not tried to make her do her BMs in the seat because she does have some constipation issues and so I just want to get the bladder control first and then address the BMs.
Do you think I might have made the following mistakes
a. I got over enthusiastic by initial success and pushed her too hard too often?
b. Do I keep her on the toilet seat too long and entertain her too much (while she sits on her seat )so she is forgetting all about the use of the seat?
I also wonder whether I should put her in disposable diapers for next one month so she will know how it is to be completely dry and her tolerance for wetness will be lower when I start trying again after a month. (She has always been in cotton nappies from the beginning because she has a very sensitive skin and used to develop nappy rashes very often.) Do you think that might help or will it make the issue worse?
21 Emma - DM Moderator // Mar 15, 2009 at 9:34 pm
Thank you for the additional information. It gives us a better idea of how things are as every situation is unique.
Reading to her and sitting her for hours can be a bit confusing for her as to what the potty is for. Is it simply a chair or a potty with a specific purpose? Sit her for a few minutes or until she decides to get up at intervals of 2-3 hours or every after meals and nap times.
I would advise not to put her in disposable diapers for the next month it might confuse her more as to which habits she might need to form. When you decided to toilet train her it is a commitment you need to be consistent with.
It is good you have not tried BM’s yet. Take it a step at a time.
Though do observe her, maybe back off a bit - meaning relax more. It can be frustrating of course but it takes time, and a month is still a short time, it is a process that cannot be fixed in a day (though you might see that one day she will decide to just go to the potty all the time for no apparent reason).
Keep us updated on how your child’s progress goes.
Kindest Regards,
Daily Montessori
22 Sumedha // Mar 16, 2009 at 7:57 pm
Thanks again for your response and advice. I really appreciate that. I’ll try and follow your advice and keep you posted on how it goes. I already find that she is not resisting going to the toilet area to do her pee. Only now she stands and releases her pee and still not very keen to use her potty seat. Hopefully, she will understand that it is better to sit and use the potty seat.
Regards
Sumedha
23 Rachael // May 26, 2009 at 1:40 pm
Thanks for the great article and it’s given me the impetus to put him in cloth nappies. My son who is over 3, has mastered the concepts and happily goes to toilet whenever asked (we have a rough structure) and does both wees and poos on the toilet. At those time he is able to tell me that a wee or poo is coming before doing the actual deed. Very occasionally, he will ask to go to toilet in between. However, most of the time in between toilet stops, he wees and poos in his pants and does not tell me until I have noticed. He has not yet developed a distaste for feeling wet and soiled. He is also an active boy and easily distracted. I realise now after reading your article that he needs to be in cloth (whether nappies or pants) for long term rather than the week or two in cloth underpants when I’ve tried to fully toilet train him and then reverting to disposable.
24 Sumedha // May 29, 2009 at 8:29 pm
Hi Emma
This one is just to thank you. I think my daughter is making slow but steady progress. Now she is mostly able to tell me when she wants to go and is able to sit and release her wee wee in her potty seat without much problems. I sincerely thank you for your advice - I think in the end it is all about patience and persistence. Rewards & punishments dont work at all and the theory about getting a child toilet trained in 3-5 days is utter rubbish! Thanks for your sensible, realistic advice.
Regds
Sumedha
25 Meg // Jun 26, 2009 at 4:08 am
Hi Emma,
My second daughter just turned 3. She has been potty trained on the regular toilet (refuses little potties) for over a month now. She also refuses to use the potty for a BM. She only passes it in her diaper in her sleep. She will lay on the ground and cross her legs and grunt if she feels the urge. She has a history of holding her BM so she’s been on Miralax for over a year & has very soft BM but still, she will not go during the day. She resists potty routines for urinating or BM. If I need her to use the toilet before a long car ride, I usually have to resort to threats or treats to get her to “practice” to sit on the potty and see if something comes out. I always tell her its ok if nothing comes out, we just sit for 3 seconds to see if pee will come out. I fluctuate between asking constantly about the toilet to letting it go and seeing if she’ll want to do it on her own. Since nothing is working, I think I need a new approach! Thank you for any advice you have.
26 Meg // Jun 26, 2009 at 4:15 am
Hi Emma,
I realized I wasn’t very clear in my previous post. My biggest concern is that my daughter is holding her BM. She likes using the toilet to urinate (so long as I don’t ask her to go or try a “routine” and she goes when she feels it). I sense that she won’t have a BM because it is something she can control … Thanks again!
27 Emma - DM Moderator // Jul 1, 2009 at 12:18 am
Hi Megan,
I assume you have already consulted a doctor for her situation. Did she have a bad experience with being constipated in the past that sort of made her attitude to BM’s negative. If you think she is doing it for control but aware of it already, maybe give her the control of wearing nappies when she feels like she is about to do one. Only for that purpose though. This gives her control of what she wants while not impeding on her health of her holding it in. Make this a routine then eventually when she is comfortable and when a regular routine is established coax her into doing it in the toilet and letting her flush the toilet and making it a positive experience for her as much as possible. Take a step back with the issue and try to be consistent.
I hope this will take a new approach for you that may help or give you a new perspective as to what you can do later on as well as the situation progresses.
Best regards,
Emma
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